How to be a better parent.

 Our children respond to our emotions. When we are happy, mad, stressed, or sad they call feel that. They are extremely reactive to the world around them. This is their way of socially interacting with others. Because of this we need to make sure that we are showing them how to do so. There is a great example of this of this by Dr. Edward Tornick. I have attached a link to the video below. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTTSXc6sARg&t=1s

Something else we strive to do with our children is emotion coaching. Emotion coaching is helping children understand the different emotions they are feeling and help them understand why they occur and how to properly handle them. Emotion coaching can be as simple as comforting them, listening to them, and understanding their thoughts and feelings and helping them understand themselves. Teaching young children about their emotions can help them grow into emotionally strong adults. We aren’t telling them they can’t be mad when someone takes their toy or that they can’t be stressed out when we are rushing them out the door. We are simply allowing them to have the emotion but better able to understand it and how to handle it. For example, if you are having a toddler play date and one little kid takes the toy away from your kid, and they react a certain way, out of anger, we as the parent need to step in a start emotion coaching. We can first remove them from the situation, so they are not going to hurt someone else or themselves. We can ask them why they hit the other child. One they answer with “he took my toy” you can say something along the lines of, “Oh I know buddy that would make me really upset too. I’m sorry he took that from you. I can see you are still upset. Would it be ok if you used your words to ask so and so for the toy back?” This is allowing you to comfort the child and listen to why they are feeling what they are feeling. In this situation, you are also helping learn better skills when we are upset. We shouldn’t hit others, so you gave the option of using our words to ask for the toy back. You are helping your child, from a young age, gain skills that will help them love and serve others around them. You are teaching them to be comfortable with their own feelings and learning to express them in a healthy way. 
Something that is important for new parents to know is the different types of parenting styles. The three main types of parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. Any type of parenting style can have a strong effect on a child immediately and in the future. It is important that as a parent your find what parenting style works for you, but also how it will work for your children. An authoritarian parent is typically labeled as a strict parent. They tend to have a lot of rules and regulations, and they are not willing to bend the rules. In this situation the children are supposed to follow their parents’ rules, no questions asked. Although this may sound harsh, these parents mean well. They are trying to do the right thing by their child, so they give the rules to be successful. But often, this parenting style does the opposite. 

Psychologist Jeff Nalin said, “Children whose behavior is largely dependent on a strict regimen of dos and don’ts will base their own self-worth on whether or not they have obeyed the rules put into place by their parents. As well, this emphasis on cause and consequence hinders a child’s natural ability to make choices.” On the other had we have permissive parenting. This is a parent who is afraid to set limits on children or believes a child has to be true to their own nature. A permissive parent is not demanding. Children typically don’t have many responsibilities and are allowed to regulate their behavior and most of their choices. These parents are more like a friend to their children and less of a parent. In the middle we have authoritative parenting. This parenting style the parents are nurturing, responsive, and supportive, yet set firm limits for their children. The attempt to control a child’s behavior by explaining rules, discussing, and reasoning. They listen to a child’s point of view but don’t always accept it. This allows the children to have enough say in what they do, but the parents still have the final say. This is the healthy amount of both sides.